Of Wine, Readers, love

(This post is a long one. But I suggest that you read it with patience. It has something in it for everyone. And Inner Conscience joins the blog today to enlighten the Heart and the Brain about love)

POP!!!

SWOOSH!!!

And before you start wondering what the weird noises are, whats alcohol doing on this otherwise sober blog and how much more crazy can this guy get, let me explain. That is the popping of the champagne cork. And whats the occasion??? Nah its not that I proposed and she accepted. Not even close. (Though I did meet her - 7th time and 8th time!!!)

Its the 50th post on this blog people!!! Though I really dont like the taste of champagne nor wine for that matter (they really taste stupid and I have never understood what the fuss is all about) I thought its time to celebrate. But before you people start making party plans I thought I will intervene. This 50th post is fully dedicated to something. Nah, again a wrong guess. Its not (only) her. Its my readers. The number is too small but the people are all very special. Stepping Stones Stumbling Blocks was started not for all the people on the internet, but for a select few whom I know. I have a small reader base but unlike most of the other blogs where the writers want more and more people to visit their blog, I only prefer people who I invite to visit this blog. Because this blog actually represents what I really am and I dont reveal my true self to anyone who I dont trust. But who are these readers?

The list of people below is not a compilation of my friends, but a profile of my readers in no particular order. The first category has people who have commented, the second has people who dont usually comment or have commented on a lesser scale but who I am sure read it with the same enthusiasm as the first few.

Rupam - (Orkut Link) I met this guy for the first time on 20th September 2001. One of the very few guys who encouraged me by commenting on every post of mine from the beginning, gave me a critical analysis on my writing abilities, pointed out mistakes, pointed out improvement areas, gave me critical insights on various topics and gave me the right feedback for every post of mine. But I realise something now. He has done this not only on my blog but on every aspect of life for the last six years. I have had interesting arguments and debates with him on toics ranging from the uniform civil code to the way relationships are to be handled. He has a really cool analytical brain and his programming skills I am sure will take him places....

Satyakam (Is not in Orkut anymore) - I still remember how the two of us watched every episode of Friends till the 9th season in just one go. I have known him since the 19th of Sept, 2001. A very decent chap with a very good apetite like all Bengalis and he too has a very good analytical mind. He was the guy who taught me the pronunciation of the letter 'h', its 'aich and not 'hech'. Someone you can trust......

Rose (Is not appropriate to give the Orkut link since its not Her's alone) - Being the closed book that I am, She is one of the few who can see through me and read my thoughts pretty well. I have always admired her communication skills, her mastery over the English language and her very sharp observation power. A bit too smart and pretty manipulative (!)......

Karthik (Orkut Link) - I was browsing through some old (and I mean pretty old) photographs and saw one in which I think I was around 5 months old, and he about a year (that I guessed cos I was still not able to sit and was crawling and he was sitting !). I really wanted to load the photograph on this post but then decided against that (I was not dressed appropriately!!!). But it reminded me on how far we have come since then. He has been a part of my entire life and in all aspects of it. My definition of friendship is totaly different. A friend is one who will point out the mistakes in you and never feel uncomfortable doing so. He is one of them.

Akshat (Orkut Link) : There are many traits that I share with this guy. But the one that has kept us together is that we are both very complex to understand. But if you ever do understand who this guy is it will turn into a very fruitful relationship. He has unknowingly given me several valuble inputs that have influenced the contents of this blog.

The above are the ones who have kept the blog running. These are the people who comment, critisise and applaud. These are people who run their lives on one fuel - 'determination' and I have learnt a lot from them.

But there exist some people who do not comment or have commented on a small scale but read the blog and are part of my innermost circle of readers. (And believe me I have only one circle.)

Vinuthan (Orkut Link): I have used the dictionary to a large extent but have never looked up the meaning of one word - 'friendship'. I have never had to.

Anonymous : Hah!!! who the hell is this person? I dont know. But I do know that there is one person who visits my blog regularly. It has been very tough for me to track and identify him/her. This person does not leave any trail behind, but I sometimes feel that he/she doesnt want me to know who it is. And sometimes I feel I should respect his/her privacy. But you know I dont like unsolved mysteries.......

I have two readers from my professional life. But I have decided against revealing their names since I have never mixed my personal and professional life. But they have encouraged me a lot and I am totally grateful for their inputs.


And finally the new entrant into my readers list. Her. (And you expected me to give the Orkut link??) She has read the blog. But I dont know if she continues to read it. But believe me, she has influenced at least 20 posts of mine and thats a lot. Of course how can I not ...... Hah wait, my Brain and Heart are nudging me, they as usual have lots to say....

Brain : So what did you think of of the seventh/eighth meeting?

Heart : Hmm....did you observe something. Every time we meet her she looks more beautiful.....

Brian : You stole the exact thought from me. I was thinking the same too. But everytime we meet her she also sounds more and more sensible.

Heart : And how did your analysis turn out to be.

Brain : I didnt do any.....

Heart : What??? How could you do that. You said you would....

Brain : First thing, I was already on cloud number nine since she was talking to me. I actually expected her to avoid me since I was pretty sure she had read the blog. But as I was talking to her I felt I was wrong on many occassions.

Heart : Now thats a new brain I am seeing. I am seeing that you are confused for the first time.

Brain (glaring): Of course I am not. But do you know what I just realised. I am not the kind of person who believes in irrational infactuations. And neither does she. And the other thought bugging me is this. What if she does read the blog, figure out that its her we are talking about and then gets uncomfortable about it and labels me as insensitive.

Heart : What??? Is it really the brain who is talking like this. It looks like we have had a role reversal. You are having thoughts that I actually should have had....

Brain : I think we should apologize.

Heart : What???

Brain : And move on in life.

Heart : huh....Am I hearing right???

Brain : I am getting the feeling that she shares no such feelings towards you. Why do you want to hurt her feelings?

Heart : I dont get it.....

Inner Conscience : Can I interrupt?

Heart : What....Now everyone wants to join the party? Dont you know too many cooks spoil the broth....

Inner Conscience : Its time I intervened. I am here to actually save the broth. Let me ask a question. Can one of you summarize what you have understood about love and relationships till now....

Brain : Ok let me put it this way. The laws are attraction are governed by the pure sciences. A relationship begins with one person somehow liking another. I believe it is purely biology in play. The other person may also like him/her and there may be mutual attraction. I believe that at this point it is both biology and chemistry in the picture. Once there is mutual consent the mother of all sciences joins chemistry and biology and plays the most important role - it is mathematics. Now there is one factor that binds biology, chemistry and mathematics. Man has named it God. There is one factor that binds a relationship. I think it is called love.

Heart : Huh!! Thats some weird analysis.

Inner Conscience (Ignoring the Heart) : I am happy that the both of you have come out at least with this. But I still find that you have equated an unknown quantity to love and you do not substantiate the reasoning. But I know what you are intending to say. While the two of you went on bickering trying to 'find' love, I went on a mission to 'understand' love. Yesterday I found the most convincing answer in the book 'The 7 habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey. The author is involved in a conversation ..... Now the following is an excerpt from his book -

"
At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said,

"Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?""

The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.

"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"

"Love her," I replied.

"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."

"Love her."

"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."

"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."

"But how do you love when you don't love?"

"My friend, love is a verb. Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"



In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They're driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.
"

Inner Conscience : Now what do the both of you have to say to that.

Heart : Love is a verb. At last I feel that I am on the right path to enlightenment. There's a lot more to understand but I feel that you have put us in the right direction.

Brain : But what do we do about Her now? I feel that I saw plain innocence and sincerity in her eyes.

Inner Conscience : Leave that decision to me

Brian : Good. But since we have figured out what love is can we have the champagne now!!!

Heart : Yup the readers must be waiting for a toast.

Brain : Who do we toast it to? The Blog? The Readers? Her? God? Love?

Heart : To all of them!!!!!!!

PS: People who have actually bothered to keep count of the number of posts will immediately point out that this is the 48th post and not the 50th. I have 2 posts in draft state and they are not published yet since they have startling revelations!!! A guy is free to keep his secrets!!!