The sexes

The following is a conversation between a married couple.......

Mary comes home from an exhausting day. She wants and needs to share her feelings about the day.

Mary : "There is so much to do; I don't have any time for myself."

Tom : "You should quit that job. You don't have to work so hard. Find something you like to do."

Mary : "But I like my job. They just expect me to change everything at a moment's notice."

Tom : "Don't listen to them. Just do what you can do."

Mary : "I am! I can't believe I completely forgot to call my aunt today."

Tom : "Don't worry about it, she'll understand."

Mary : "Do you know what she is going through? She needs me."

Tom : "You worry too much, that's why you're so unhappy."

Mary (angry) : "I am not always unhappy. Can't you just listen to me?"

Tom : "I am listening."

Mary : "Why do I even bother?"

After this conversation, Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship. Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong. He wanted to help, but his problem-solving tactics didn't work.

Now take a look at how this conversation could have gone.....


When Mary comes home tired and exhausted their conversations are quite different. They sound like this:

Mary : "There is so much to do. I have no time for me."

Tom (takes a deep breath, relaxes on the exhale) : "Humph, sounds Iike you had a hard day."

Mary: "They expect me to change everything at a moment's notice. I don't know what to do."

Tom (pauses) : "Hmmm."

Mary : "I even forgot to call my aunt."

Tom (with a slightly wrinkled brow) : "Oh, no."

Mary : "She needs me so much right now. I feel so bad."

Tom : "You are such a loving person. Come here, let me give you a hug."

Tom gives Mary a hug and she relaxes in his arms with a big sigh of relief. She then says...

Mary : "I love talking with you. You make me really happy. Thanks for listening. I feel much better."

Not only Mary but also Tom felt better. He was amazed at how much happier his wife was when he finally learned to listen. Tom learned the wisdom of listening without offering solutions while Mary learned the wisdom of letting go and accepting without offering unsolicited advice or criticism.

Well people, I am not starting any relationship counselling........ I was reading the book Men are from mars women are from venus and the above was an excerpt from the same.

While the government tries to make the pre marital test for AIDS a compulsory, thing I plan to add " Compulsory Reading and understanding of Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" in my pre-nuptial agreement !!!


PS : People who are willing to tread the path of enlightenment by decoding the opposite sex can leave a comment and I will send a copy of the ebook by email.