The Others

I think I was 11 years old. I was walking along with my parents and they were talking about marriages. I was not paying any attention at all. Suddenly my father turned towards me and said, ' We dont mind who you marry....any caste .... any religion....I dont care.' But then after a pause he added, 'But if Muslim...we will have to rethink...'

This incident crossed my mind when I was watching We the People on NDTV last night. The topic of discussion was on the tolerance levels of Indians towards inter-caste/class marriages and it was centered on the Rizwanur case where a lower middle class muslim guy(Rizwanur) marries a rich marwari girl(Priyanka) and then gets harassed by the police and finally is murdered (allegedly) with the main suspect being the girl's father. I will not comment on his death which is being debated upon yet to find out if it was suicide or murder.

But I was wondering how tolerant is today's generation towards inter caste/class marriages. Is it still being frowned upon. To understand that I asked myself some questions. Would I marry a muslim. Maybe I will think 10 times before I actually fall in love with a muslim. Though love is known to be blind (and I dont agree) I still think I will not be that blinded. What about a christian. Maybe I will not think 10 times. Maybe just 5 times. What about a hindu but maybe from a totally different caste. Now I am not sure what castes/sub castes are present but I think castes within a faith wouldnt matter at all.

Does class make a difference. Maybe an extremely rich girl falls in love with me (if only.....), of course it does not make any difference to me! Maybe class does not make a difference at all. I may represent a miniscule of the population but I think most of the readers of my blog will have the same opinion as mine. But what will my parents say. Inter - faith marriage, I may have a lot of convincing to do. Inter caste marriage - I will have some convincing to do. Class may not make a difference. But I am sure I will have the freedom to choose.

What would I say to my children. Let us say my daughter wants to marry a muslim guy. I may not outrightly reject it. But I am sure I will ask her to think twice. I guess I will be more liberal and open to such relationships than the older generations. Of course Indians have this tendency to speak something on stage and hold a totally different view within the closed walls of their homes. But I am sure I will not go against well thought out decisions of my children.

My thoughts represent a very minute category of the Indian population. Faith, caste and class play an important role in our societies even today. We may ape the western world in many ways but in India marriages still remain a bond between families and not just individuals. And when we have so many stakeholders in a marriage, cross cultural marriages become a challenge. We may become more tolerant and liberal in our outlook towards inter caste marriages and maybe the line between faiths will blur. But the day when fathers will look for grooms for their daughters across faiths is a distant dream.