Lettering Love

Life is made up of moments, some significant, some mundane. And one such significant moment in my life is the first time I am writing a love letter.

I know that this will come as a surprise to most of the very few readers of this blog but I thought I should give this too a try and not regret when I am 70 that I never tried my hand at writing a love letter.

But first who do I address it to. Well let me consider my current crush and name her 'W'. Why 'W' you may ask . There are two reasons. One being the fact that my other crushes were Z, Y, and X and they dont remain unknown quantities anymore!!! And the other reason is that her name .....

Now how do I start......

(Author is thinking, scratching head, stops scratching head after thinking of hairfall, stares at the screen, stares at 'W's' photo, still staring....., and then the brainwave strikes...)

I googled.

I was really surprised looking at the number of sites it threw up but I ended up at the first one

http://library.lovingyou.com/letters/letters.shtml?ID=loveyou

Now where is the fun if I plagiarise. Let me first give it a try and then maybe take some tips....

1st attempt :

Hi 'W'
I like you a lot.....

(Author reads the letter, feels stupid.....)
Crackle...Crackle...Crackle....Thud
(That is the sound of the author crumpling the paper and throwing it in the dustbin)

That is when I realised I have no experience in writing anything mushy, corny, effusive, emotional, sentimental, schmaltzy, sugary......

Hmm....maybe I should review the letter above......

Should I start with a 'hi'. Nah maybe Dear will be more appropriate - after all its supposed to be more personal. But will dear sound as if I have taken things for granted or maybe that I am desperate. But maybe hi will not have that sentimental touch to the letter.

Well maybe I can decide on the salutation later and move to the body of the letter....

"I like you a lot" !!!????

What the hell is that....the more and more I look at this line, the more I feel like an idiot. First thing I realise is that I am scared to use the word 'love' even in a love letter. Ok let me change it....

"I love you a lot"

Hmm.....but I realise the first thought that will come in 'W''s mind when she reads it is this..... What does he mean by "a lot". Does he mean that he is taking love as a measurable quantity. So is there someone who he loves less and someone who he loves more.

Maybe I should remove the "a lot"......

"I love you"

Hmm....this looks better. But does it convey anything at all. I love ice creams too. Does that mean she is comparable to an ice cream!!!

(Author is lost in the world of ice creams....is thinking about the chocolate ice creams that he likes a lot.....sigh!! He needs to complete this)

Well maybe I need to be more specific....

"I love only you"

What the hell is this....Is that even grammatically correct? No...I cant do this...How can I cheat her by telling I love only her when I love ice creams too.

Maybe I should look in some sample letters provided in the site....

"I love you because you bring the best out of me. I love whom, I have become since I have known you. I love your terrific sense of humor. Every time I look in your eyes, my heart misses a beat. I enjoy doing things with you and spending time with you. You are simply irresistible.

Sometimes I feel lost and out of touch, but when your there, I feel safe. Your voice soothes me. I could sit here and try to tell you just how I feel, only I can't find the words other than I am happy we met and have gotten together after all we've gone through.

You make me feel loved, you make me feel needed, but more importantly, you make me feel wanted. That is something that I hadn't felt in a very long time. We have slowly grown into a beautiful relationship that only you and I can understand.

You are becoming my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. You are a blessing that my entire being is very thankful for. I feel that we were made to love, listen, understand, and work through all times in our lives together, a truly rare gift.

From this moment on, we have each other and all the time to be in each other's arms. When I say I love you it is truly meant.

Love always,
"


No....that is not me....I am not that very mushy....maybe I am better off not writing a love letter at all.....

PS : (57 years later....Why 57?....Author is now 70 u idiot...Author is staring at wife cooking sambhar in the kitchen and thinks.....What if he had written that love letter to her...would she still have been his)

Parting Words...........

And today is my last day in Europe. And I see no possibilities of coming back. Now among all the Indians present here I seem to be the only person who is never happy that I have to leave Eindhoven. Everyone always waits to go back to India. But me.....I never feel happy when I have to leave this place. And I have never figured out why?

Maybe its the work

Maybe its the people

Maybe its the environment

Maybe its the weather

Maybe its the better time management

Maybe its the better efficiency in my work life

Maybe its the possibility to visit many places

Maybe its the food (!)

Maybe its the windmills

Maybe its the girls........

Ah maybe I will never figure it out........

Crushed

And thus I come back to my favourite topic. A crush. Studies and my practical experience shows that its best to always have at least one active crush at any point in time. And how do I justify that? Well the best part is that when you think of her you always feel happy. And when you get an opportunity to talk to her or communicate by any means then you feel as if you are on a high.....very elated. And being happy is expected to keep you healthy!!

Well whats more better than thinking of a girl, feeling happy and thus staying healthy!!!

PS : All that I have said above might sound strange but such are the thoughts I will have when I am in the same mood as mentioned above :-)

And She is still the one !!!

Women want more!!!

Now that we have looked at some interesting aspects on what are girls actually looking for in a guy let us move on to the formation of a relationship. For the following questions I only have the opinion of one or two girls and not 3!!! ( As if that makes a lot of difference)

Suppose a guy and girl have met each other a couple of times within a group, how does the girl go about deciding which one of the guys will be compatible for her in a relationship? I.e. how does she get closer to one guy as opposed to others?

- When you come to this level, the superficial qualities like good looks don’t matter. What matters is that you are able to have a nice time with the guy, that he makes you feel comfortable. Also the main factor would be whether or not the guy is showing any interest in her. Suppose out of 10 guys, a girl likes 2 of them. She likes to talk to both of them equally. She likes the company of both of them. A huge deciding factor here is if either one of them is interested in her and is dropping her any hints. Then that’s what she uses to choose between the two.

- maybe it depends on her comfort level. i.e with whom she feels comfortable and suitable according to her taste and the qualities she’s expecting from that guy.


After a guy has been approved in the first level (i.e. initial attraction/spark) what does the girl take into consideration for the second level of approval?

- I think most of the qualities have already been listed down but another big factor is how a guy behaves with her other friends. If he’s nasty to most of her friends and is nice only to her, then she knows he’s putting on an act to woo her. For a girl her friends matter a lot.

- For the 2nd level, I look at aspects like whether the guy is understanding, if we share some comfort level with each other in talking, if we have some common interests. He should be caring and understanding to a girls needs, he should give me my space. The guy should be humorous (not very), he should mingle well with her friends. He should also convince the girl that he will be committed.

During the decision making, does the girl consult any other guy/girl? If yes, on what matters does she ask for their advice?

You know this a very tricky question. In the Indian society, even now having a boyfriend is not as common. It is in a way looked down on. So, if, a girl is serious about a guy and the guy too is interested, then I don’t think she would take anyone’s opinion in the initial relationship forming stages. Mostly because she doesn’t want anyone to know, but once she has formed the relationship, all girls take a lot of advice from all their friends in sustaining their relationship and about the problems in the relationship. Girls also deliberate a lot with their best friends about breaking up with a guy. If a girl is serious about a guy, then it’s my belief that she keeps it to herself. On the other hand if a girl has a crush on a guy and doesn’t expect it to go anywhere, then she’ll be vocal about it.

The initial attraction/spark (first level) can it be induced? i.e. What can a guy do to attract a girl’s attention?

- You know, the key is not always in doing the ‘right’ thing to attract the girl. The better way to be seen in a girl’s good graces is not to do any of the ‘wrong’ things. Because girls notice mistakes and quirks in people faster than they notice extraordinary qualities. Suppose a guy is extraordinarily good looking and gets noticed by the girl in the first shot and there’s some chemistry. But will he be equally funny, intelligent, caring?? If he’s not, the spark is gone long before it starts. So the key for any guy, is not to do anything wrong. Slowly one by one most of the other guys will do something wrong and drop out of the race. But if all the guys are using this approach, then you would be back to square 1….. Really… What can a guy do to attract a girl’s attention? I don’t know specifically…. But one thing that comes to mind is when you are trying to do something to impress her, don’t make it obvious that you are doing it to impress HER. Make it look like it’s your natural trait. Ex: In order to be funny, you keep making jokes with almost every other line of what she says. It will seem really cheesy and desperate. Also don’t be too familiar with a girl if you aren’t sure that she likes you at least remotely. Try to impress from a distance. So even if you make some mistakes, they won’t be that noticeable.

- No I don’t think it can be induced. A girl should like you for who you are, if u try to induce it then the girl is initially impressed, but later when she realizes that is not the actual you then she may just ditch you!!


How does a girl find out that a guy is interested in her?

- Of course he pays her more attention subtly. He is interested in everything she says. The guy is more conscious of his behavior in her presence. He tries to see her more often, but of course in groups. Sometimes the other guys know that he likes her, and start jeering every time the guy goes near the girl. And many more ways to hint, but subtlety is the best. Girls are pretty good observers so they’ll take the hint. Things like giving her a card, writing her a poem in such a early stage seems cheesy to me. But of course other girls might like it.

- It’s mainly in the looks. The way a guy looks at a girl in the eye, I think the girl can make out that the guy likes her. Also the guy will be more caring for the girl a group, he will mostly follow/accompany her to places she goes. The main point is that he will compliment her now and then, that’s the most important point I think. Also if she talks to another guy in a friendly way and if the other guy’s face/behavior changes then she feels that the guy likes her.


How can guy find out if a girl is interested in him? What are the signs he should look for?

- If a girl is interested in him, then I guess she would pay him more attention. Side with him during group arguments/discussions or even go against him in order to get more of a chance to talk with him. This is if they are in a common group of friends. But if they are just in the same college/work place, I think they would go out of their way to cross each other’s paths or to pass by where the other is sitting. She smiles a lot at the guy.

- The main point here is that if you ask her out for a coffee, she should agree to come with you. That clearly shows that she is interested. Also if I am interested in a guy, I would keep looking at him every now and then, I would try to hang out in places where he is there.

A crush usually turns into a relationship between the ages of 20-26. What are your comments on this?

Not necessarily. You see 20-26 is the timeline for guys. For girls it’s more like 18-23. I don’t think any girl will try to start a relationship with a guy when she’s 23 and beyond because she knows by then her parents will be pressurizing her. Also a guy never tries to start a new relationship after the age of 28, if he’s Indian that is. Of course there’s an exception to this rule. But I agree, for a girl until 18 and a guy until 20 it’s mostly crushes.


There were a lot of interesting thoughts there but the one that struck to me as the most interesting point is

"You know, the key is not always in doing the ‘right’ thing to attract the girl. The better way to be seen in a girl’s good graces is not to do any of the ‘wrong’ things."



PS : This is my last weekend in Eindhoven and my last trip to Europe. Hmm....but I did drive a BMW today!!!

Another PS : But is she still the one?
How many times do I have to tell you? She is...She is....She is......